Slow down and let go

It’s been a crazy period, and I’ve been rushing along headlong. Once more into the breach my friends and all that. And now I’m crashing.

A while ago, a friend told me about a fake Chinese saying:

You should meditate for an hour daily. If you don’t have time to meditate for an hour, you should meditate for two hours.

It’s kind of a joke, but there is a deep wisdom in it.

I know my own patterns pretty well by now. My brain is the ADHD model, which means that my life pretty much resolves around dopamine. It’s the fuel I need to function, yet my brain guzzles it up faster than my body can produce it. My current medication (methylfenidate) slows the guzzling, but doesn’t actually help you produce dopamine in the first place.

So, I find myself eating more candy, taking sweet deserts. I flirt a lot, and specifically with new people because getting a positive response there means novelty and more of that sweet, sweet dopamine.

I fill every quiet second with podcasts or music, feeding my brain a constant stream of stimulation. If things get bad enough, I stop writing in my BuJo and I throw all structure to the wind, just flying by the seat of my pants.

This time around, I kept the BuJo. I kept some control. Still, now that everything is done, I need to once again start the second part of this cycle. Slow down, let go, find peace.

Peace.

This one is hard. Dopamine won’t give it to you, you need serotonin for that. In fact, a lot of the shortcuts I was taking for a quick dopamine rush mess up your serotonin production. Pursuing that pace, keeping the engine running – it shatters your chances of having peace of mind.

So, I’m cutting out the sugar mostly. It was getting bad enough that I was waking up at night with a craving for something sweet, unable to get back to sleep until I ate something. I’m writing again. I’m reading more. I’ll take long bike rides and green time.

I know what I need to be happy and at peace. I just need to remind myself some times.