The Bodycount Riddle

Slowly you approach the Sphinx. It was a long journey, but the famed treasure is almost yours. All you need to do now, is answer the riddle.

The Sphinx sees you and opens their eyes (Sphinxes are famously non-binary). A deep voice sounds, shaking your bones:

“You who seek the treasure, answer me this. When a woman has intercourse with the same man for a thousand nights, she remains fresh and tight. Yet when the same woman sleeps with a different man each night, and does this a thousand times, she is loose and sloppy. How can this be?”

You’re stunned. You had studied all the ancient texts in preparation, but in doing so you skipped your biology lessons. As you stand there and try to think of an answer, a man approaches. A bearded and nerdy looking man, who offers you a cup of coffee and gestures for you to sit with him.

As you both sip your coffee, he speaks:

“You know, the Sphinx lies. The lie is hidden in the question itself. Would you like to know the answer?”

You nod as you sip your coffee.

You see, it has nothing to do with the woman.

First of all let’s establish that most of the people that say this are deeply insecure about their dicks, because they’ve been told their whole life that the only way a woman will like you is if your grandfather was a horse. Also, your dick is the most important thing about you. So, they live in deep fear of being inadequate.

Now, if their dick is the only dick you’ve ever seen, then you don’t know any better than that their dick is awesome, it’s Thor’s Hammer, it’s the alpha and omega of dicks. This is a fact of life, since it is well known that no woman has ever watched pornography.

On the other hand: if you have sampled a great many dicks, you have material for informed comparison. Since their grandfather wasn’t actually a horse, their poor schlong can never measure up to the army of guys you have had the joy of fucking.

That means that in their minds, you’re inevitably going to say that they don’t measure up. In a form of pre-emptive strike, they try to beat you to the punch by saying:

“I’m not small, you’re loose and saggy!”

So, there you have it, the answer to the riddle. Do you see it yet? No?

Well, I’ll let you in on a secret. It doesn’t matter which riddle the Sphinx asks you. The answer is always the same. Patriarchy fucks us all. That’s it. That’s the answer everytime.