When enthusiasm turns to dread

My break from work has been amazing so far. I haven’t been bored for a second yet, and I’m starting to feel inspired and full of ideas again… and that’s exactly the problem.

I deeply love being able to finally put my energy into the things that are so dear to my heart: Working on my book (still feels weird to say that!), writing more blog posts, tinkering with my own site and blog.

A decade ago I designed a platform for ebook sales in an attempt to win a bid (we didn’t get it), and a lot of the things I came up with back then are actually a really good fit for selling my own books. All of that made me really excited and talked to a few friends about all the ideas I had. It felt awesome… until it didn’t.

One moment, I couldn’t wait to get started, and the next, it suddenly felt like work. I had fallen into the old trap of getting too ambitious and creating a mountain of work for myself, only to fall into a deep sense of dread as that mountain looms over me.

The answer is the same as it always is: pace yourself, take many small steps. But most of all: remember that this is supposed to be fun. If you’re not having fun, and you’re not getting paid… why are you doing it?

One day, I’ll learn not to overload myself in the first place, but for now, I’ll settle for recognising when I’ve fallen into this trap and recovering before I burn myself out.

So, I’m writing my ideas down, and then I’ll go on a nice long bike trip. Then I’ll look at the list again and pick 1(!) thing to implement. When that’s done, I’ll pick another.

Rinse and repeat until the whole elephant is eaten or until I’ve decided it wasn’t that urgent after all.

Most of all I’ll remember my mantra from therapy: “I don’t need to accomplish anything this year. I can work on stuff that brings me joy, but no accomplishment beyond just being is required.”

See? Progress.